You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause. You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them. Power: force beams from your eyes

Which of the X-Men Are You?

Few min ago, i just heard some loud voice belonging to a lady and the footsteps. I ran to the window and saw 2 people downstair. It broiught back the memory of the nightmare. The lady was on the ground. Crying. The guy was standing in some threatening way. Both are indians. As much as i was disturbed by what i saw, how much i wish i can shouted the girl to run and stay away from him.

Heng the guy din do anything but he walked off and from a distance, he pick up his bag and left after lady pick herself up and seem to scare that guy away. I do not know whether did the guy push the girl down or what. But all in all, i was in the worse situation. And i recalled the images, the fear, the helplessness.

He is so bad. My mum keep me too enclosed in my protective coccoon that i can only tell if this person is good when other person say he's good. I.E. no mind of my own. I tend to go with what person say. That why i end up in such a devestating state. It hard to recover. but telling myself life has to move on, so i just continue to live with all these shit outcomes. However in the process, i do hope my mind become active and opinionated

I feel so yuck with myself that there is a strong urge to close myself up cos i can't deal with the shame and self worthless..

I just hate living..

Luckily, instead of indulging in alcholic to numb myself or slashing my wrist, i am very much engrossed with my lifestyle programme. I can't standing staying at home lazing around

Sigh..finding myself single again is as hard as finding kakis for movies. I guess movies are only best for couples.

Woah..today sunday.. waking up and feeling great when the sunny atmosphere surround me despite my body protesting and getting lazy. Oh gosh. It 10.30 Late for gym!

Went for New Body class at Bugis gym. Was like 5 min late. Phew i tot i would miss a great deal. One good thing about staying in central area. But moving in 1.5 years time.

so shiok after seeing my improved stamina on the tread mill..from 5.5km/hr at the first time to 7.5hm/hr for continuous 20 min jog today. My arms still that useless. still couldn't support my whole body in push up position. i hate it..

i only manage to cut 1kg after 6 session of gym. If i go on diet now, i would cut more kilos but i prefer not cos i born to love food :) sO now i aim a firmer body. it's healtier that way though now i usually ate niang dou fu with soup and fish soup noodle for lunch. No oily food! Ban..

Meet Ms C and went orchard to shop. she finally change her mind not buying her $80 esprit pants but settle for $49 7/8 pant (not 3/4 cos any 3/4 pant on her look 7/8. If she read this post, i sure kena!) Anyway from her, i learn a new way of pronoucing a vulgarity in non-vulgarity way. Replace Tulan with either TL (less that C) or "Too-leng" Shit that person who told me 'TULAN' is not a vuglarities..it must have something to do with that penis.

Anyway went home after buying a cheap $19.90 shoes @ pretty fit for daily work wear and laze around. Then met MY for loithering around in our town. We went ya kun and archade. Funny that MY add too much soy sauce. the huge egg is wasted!! the bread is yummy. I consider having brunch there after my gym on every sun. Healthly? I also like some healthy sandwich at TCC too like that time i did with MS C. We share some banana soy bean drink. Damn healthy. The feeling is so relaxing, shiok, tiring and warm after a workout at gym. My ideal sunday would be gym the first thing in the morning. follow by a healthy brunch near book store so i can read nice book while enjoying my drink. woah....

Anyway lose to MY at Daytona game. It suck..my driving!

That all for today. retreating to my room blow cold air, do some mask read some parazzi mag and Koon! Another week of working arrive. Sianzzzz....

my bimbo goal for end of year 2006
1. shed 10kg of weight (impossible lei)
2. go for sia interview
3. if success, quit my IT job, fly round for 2 yrs and come back to IT industry
4. put on contact (hardest)

i realise i seek solace in listening to songs. Before, i never much listen to radio or mp3. I only listen to 987 or 933 when i'm working. Just to cover up the noisy people around.

But now i looking for hifi. Small enough to put on tiny table.

I love listening to music. esp those chinese one from the young nubile sweet singers

Meet JC friends for today. Wow, it been a long long time ago that i went out with them. 5,6 years?

I realise all my friends lazy to organise. Only when i free (i.e. when i'm single) then will meet together. Arg...

Anyway was having good time with them at KTV. $14.70 dollar for ktv. Without vouchers but no free one drink. We mostly yakking away and no one into singing. We got so much to talk. Then we proceed on to Pepper dunno-wat-shop to have our dinner. Salmon with chicken with freaking bean sprouts taste much better than the salmon pepper rice. Hai, i did say i never wanna go back there again after my first time there. Here i was again. Me and my words

Anyway went shopping. Nicey Ms C told me got warcoal bra discount at isetan. I already have in mind that i wanna buy maximiser. but to my disappointment, it is out of scope. But i brought a pink lacy strapless bra. Hee for less than $20. Cheap Cheap.

Then we went shopping and shopping. for Xian lah..When come to clothes, she so picky. I got sweat when she asked me to help her scour for clothes. End up i din buy any skirts. Ah..my boss complaining i wore too casual.Anyway i only looking for cheap skirt. saw some nice skirt but i need to stop myself because of the pricey tags. Me no money left. Have to wait for 10 more days!!! that mean 2 weeks i have to wait.

Feel tempted to spend ah gong's $600 money.

Atm, i'm typing with my mouth full of yucky! curry puff! Hm..not curry puff actually. It's YAM. OMG. How it taste like? A big pulp of sweet yam with the crisy salt? puff skin. My mouth is not moving at all. Ask me why i din throw away the puff? Typical answer: how many kids in africa is waiting for my yam puff? But honestly, i doubt the cats downstair won't even touch a bit of it. Dunno my mum buy for who. Puking...
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...
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after 30 min, the puff still in my mouth. You right! i letting my enyzme to dissolve it for..

So happy today. My system officially roll out today to the production server. My boss happy so she let us off at 5..i'm went to bugis to go round shopping, then go gym. Boycott fri's LO class. the instructor added so many moves that i think i exercising my brain more than my meats. Lost 1kg over the weekend. If i lost 10 kg i will go taiwan. heehee told my dad that liao..but they still wanna go taiwan early. bobian..

bought many stuffs..will post online if i get hold of a cam. that stupid fuji die on me when i not even set to use it! retail therapy is burning a hole in my pocket.

Shiok after the gym at bugis. Very tired now but shiok!
Going for every tues class.
Once i shed off 10kg of fats, i will go taiwan take makeover le wor!

Stopping here. Lazy to blog..

If she think she can play great by choosing not to reply to sms, she might as well prepare to lose some of the respect from people. Even my teacher cannot tahan her attitude. She tot she's the Alexandra the Great by "so-called superb sacarcastic remarks" that she gave all the time and show gruntled attitude <> the time and wow so she's the big boss in and out?

Let just see how the Karma's going to play with her. What comes around goes around. I just play with my hair all day long can liao.

Big plans to live a fuller bimbo life for latter half of 2006

1. Get a nice roller blade after mastering the skill
2. Get a long flowingly hair with slight big wave
3. Wear contacts T_T so stress!
4. Buy a HiFi set after clearing the rubbish and re-organising my room
5. Change my wardrobe gradually
6. Get that makeover @ taipei after killing that 10kg (Taipei)
7. Get a pre-paid sim card with a new camo phone. To the hell with no-camo-phone allowed rule. Then i need not buy a digicam
8. A Hi Fi set in my room to lift the dullness. Or maybe those tv.
9. A new desktop with big big screen. Hope my lappie can last me till end of year and gonna kick that old desktop outta my room.

These days lazy to blog. Ah..back to my laziness again.

I miss my hammie alot just while looking at her pic.

I miss the good old times i used to have with him.

I miss my stress-free days in uni(uh-hm not exactly but most of the time)

I miss the laughter in my house

I miss the good pasts

why why why

arg..so sad today. Got a -.-" colleague say my eye red. Did he saw it? if he din, why must he suan me like that. Bakka

My boss notice i rebonded my hair! She adds on, it look neater now. -.-" that mean my hair is messy in the past. my hair not pretty mei? face not pretty never mind. But do praise my hair to give me a little bit of booster ma..

sigh..the sadness seem to settle down in me.

Dunno when it will go away.

No matter how i pamper myself by
-buying me a huge sunglasses,
-rebonding my hair,
-reading so many magazines including seventeen which is kinda too young for old mule here
-ktv'ing with friends
-manicur'ing and pedicur'ing
-neo-printing with buddy
-indulging in apparel and cosmetic therapies,
-burying my head into work

I still feel very sad and depressed. There is a void in my heart that nothing can fill in and that's the invisible space that suck all my happiness in. I come to realise the pain was getting harder with time.

Only wish it will hit a turning point. but i am nowhere near there

Went ktv @ orchard's party world with friends today noon. Morning already feel very very sad. I cried to sleep last night after a day long of hair rebonding with Ms C, woke up in morning with to relive the dried tears. Don't ask me why i become like that. The feelings come and goes as it likes.

Me, with MY, Ms C and BJ had lunch at wisma's crystal jade first. and saw 1 of my ex-colleague as well as my ex-agent. They called me out. I turn back and see nothing and return my head position. Then i heard a louder 'A-S-H-L-E-Y'. Quite surprise they notice me amidst the crowd and my new neater hair. Even Ms C can't find me when she trying to spot me in the restraunt. They most prob went ktving cos sunday they will alway go ktv. My ex-colleague joined superstar(or super idol? i can't rem) before. but he was booted out. He bare some resemblances to bryan wong. The first time i saw bryan wong on tv, i tot is him whom has put on weight. Anyway MY finds him not good looking. Shrug, i find him better than ave.

We then proceed to ktv. With the voucher and MY's golden VIP card(so cool!) we each only paid $14 dollar for 2 drinks each and tibits and for 4 hours. Shiok sia! But then i din sing much as i said before i feel like depressed. I just relax and sit back to enjoy/endure my friends' singing. :P :P I realise only through song, it make me feel that not only me are going through these heartbreaking thoughts and emotional roller coaster. That is soothing.

Util some quarrels between few people broke out outside. Agitated and super-loud aggressive hokkien words can be heard for few minutes and it doesn't seem to stop. And at this point, i discover my phobia that was born since that incident. I simply hate the loud commotion and i fear it too. Very much that i was even more depressed and left with no mood for anything afterward.

We hesitate awhile before i decided to open the door to checkout what happening and return cos at least it not happening at our corridor. But Ms C and MY preceded me to find out what happen further down the corridor. Anyway the staffs must have calm them down at that point. the commotion has stopped. we all returned with barely 15 min singing time.

When ended, we exit and made way to toilet and on our way, we saw group of ppl surrounding a butch like girl. She seem abit unsound and agitated. Later on, a black-face huge Obasan in velvet gown came into the toilet and shouted seem to look for someone but left as fast as she came in.

Later on i notice some massive vomitting in the basin. Guess the commotion might be due to drunkend people bah. I hate ppl drunking themselve and behaving like monkey anyway.
Me and MY went to Ding tat Fung and swoon, the xiao long bao is still my favourite. I find this restraunt is good for those dieters. So little and yet so much.

It was already nice plus plus and while we still loitering around at the sylannarian section in taka, my dad and my sis sms me, called me to warn me that my mum is getting angry. Hai..not a good day huh. She getting anxiety and it so irritating. I reach home around ten plus. Anyway i only realise it ten plus when i reach home cos my hp time is not accurate. (i change to my cam phone and anyhow set my time) Dad scold mum scold...so irritating. If MY dun accompany me, then who i accompany? Him ah?

So damn pissed. And while bathing, my parents has heat argument. As usual my mum critise my dad blah blah my dad can;t tahan and raise his voice. Hearing this invoke a sense of fear, a fear that sometime nasty going to happen.

I feel so like at the end of world. But still i seek console in talking to people. And luckily there are pple to talk with on msn while typing all this out.

At least i still have some normancy to regain some lost sanity.

Some random pic: