Night cycling with pals is shiok.
Only to be spoilt by nagging mum.

Pic@NUS. Returned after one year of graduation.

I woke up feeling injustisfied. How could he brand me as selfish and broke promise while he guarding his promise to the very end? I messaged him retailating and regret instantly after the second message is sent. Afterall, nothing can be done and will happen. He couldn't turn himself into someone:

-who has more than just mere o'level result,
-who can't stop himself from scolding vulgarities and
-who can control his temper.

Why, why, why. I keep telling myself it already come to an end. He most probably getting on well with so much of his friends around him. He doesn't lack female companionship and why would he bother about me.

I can only sit down here, counting zillions seconds till the time when i can get over it. While i was at orchard, it brought back alot of memories, good and bad. I badly wan to roller-blade with him.

Sometime I relieved that i won't be meeting him anymore and sometime i really do miss him.


Whatever now, i have mixed emotions and turmoils. I decide it better that i don't do anything.

Because i simply do not know how to play god.

Today i have my first taste of cheesecake@nydc and was ever guilty after it.

It not one cheesecake but 2!

Horrendus. God knows how many mile i gonna run tml.

I cried like a baby during bath. Cried like never before till my eyes swollen red. Many happy memories flashed by . Made even sadder. End up mistaking shampoo for conditioner and my hair was washed twice.

I keep thinking, maybe two years later he will still be there at the same spot, the same date and the same time where we first met. 18/9

But i know it will never happen. He would move on.

Sometime i think i overly insane and unreal and sentimental.

That's me.

I decide i still carry the wallet he bought for me, the pink love make of straw intact. will still keep the rose and the rest. 16/6 would the last day we met. 2 days thereafter was our last 9mths.

It's an end to everything good just like what he said. But not for me. i still grasp on. I wonder if one day when i lay on my death bed, would i remember him and those good memory? will he too remember me or am i just a one of his shooting stars?

I wholly upset by someone who really take what i write here for granted and use it as a threat to me. I just wish she would mind her business and stay out of mine. This would be the last entry on this site.

WRITING FROM A TORMENTED MIND!
My life is in more chaos than ever when more people are involved, just when i want to forgive and start afresh. I disappoint and is being disgraced. Their love for me is choking me! I just don't know which step to take without hurting both parties. I hate myself for my softheartness and indecisiveness. Meanwhile i'm telling myself to cherish whatever i have now...

I know my mum must have went to ask god whether i still with him, if not why would they stay out so late. And i know she gonna returned home red-eyes. Somehow i just wish i can sleep on and on and everyone will be happy when i wake up. You may think i have to get some sense but really, I do need MIRACLE here.

ARG...