Gross entry. Don't read further if you're a terribly weak person with too much imagination.

Phew! I manage to shit without blood just now. The last 3 attempts were so damn bloody till that I am scared that I got colon cancer. Went to doc last time when there's only some smear of blood on toilet paper and she said it's some rectum tearing. Hm...this time, the amount increases till the shit is covered with so much blood. Oh gosh. Nearly went to doc to have her dig my ass again(Ow!!! That's a horrible experience.) but decide to wait and see if the situation got better. It does get better. The shits now are smaller and best of all, NO PAIN and NO BLOOD!

Now have to drink more H2O, eat more vege(yuck! I'm carnivore) and force myself to shit once/twice a day.

My previously-single friends around me started to get attached. Even one of them at my age (btw I'm just 21)just got married. While I start to bother myself over my ever-standing singlehood, some discussion which I heard on 958FM put me back on the track where my mum want me to be.

They were discussing the growing trend now in Singapore about MBA(Married But Available(=Open marriage)), premarital sex, blah blah blah. Plus the previous day, Ms. C who has more experience working in the outside world told us of what she heard in offices and confirms my suspicion that nowadays, a lot, nope, should be DAMN LOT of people are doing ONS and commiting pre/extra-marital affairs. So to the present context, what's the meaning of marriage when husbands and wives are not holding their vows anymore. Is marriage really a dumb restriction on a man's nature?

Take that restriction away and won't man behave like an animal. But isn't man an animal? You may say it's different and that man is a higher level being. But what's wrong with satisfying own sexual need while practising birth control(excluding abortion) at the same time? Should marriage not exist from the beginning and gave people a false sense of security, commitment and everlasting love? Why do people want to build happiness from all these elements make up by some silly ones? (I think marriage was created by some selfish men in the past. If it's woman, would man get to have to much wives in the past?) Why don't they advocate happiness from freedom? Why in the first place has monogamy exist in dictionary?

To some friends, you may be shocked to read this. I really lose my bearing on the matter of marriage. I grow up in a very conservative family (and yet I do watch Sex and the City sometime. Ah bad influence isn't is?) where my parent expect me to have a boyfriend only when I'm out to work and get married and then have legal sex thereafter. Pre-marital sex is definitely a NONO for me.

I start telling my friends that I'm not going for marriage and they start retailate that "once you're in a romance, you never think like that" I guess that's how people get blinded by love and 80% of them realise it's the monster they're forever bounded to only after the vows, right? Didn't I say one of my friends just got married in Jan at the begining? While we are gossiping about this, they also feel like getting married too. Getting married is like a gamble to me. Even my mum say so. Maybe it's wrong thing to do. But getting married before seeing the outside world? To me, it like a horrendus mistake.

Ms C said that must really choose the right man in order to have a blessed marital life. But how many of you get to see the real person you attached before taking up that gamble. Take my neighbour for example. Before marriage, he saw a gentle side of his woman, tall, pretty and demure but never did he expect that later his wife will shout or scream at him over teeny weeny matter in the public. I could sense his embarassment and FEAR whenever he meekly told his wife to lower her volume. Remaining adamant about my view, Ms C rebuked, "Take your parents for example. They're still so loving." I wished to tell her that "Sometime you only get see the surface and not beyond." but I didn't. I don't wish to complicate thing for myself.

I once told my mum that to see if he is the One is to stay together for sometime before getting married. My mum scoffed at my stupidity and said that the guy actually gains. If he left, I lose my virigintiy to him and can't even get half his assets. Now money and viriginity come into the picture. I wonder how much would people bid for it if i post my best photo in the ebay with starting bid of $100. Hm...That shall remain an unanswered wonder for me now and then. BTW, it's the lastest craze in ebay.

Maybe my friends are right. When (If ever) i got shot by Mr. Cupid (is that how you spell?), what I had said above will no longer stands true. And I hope so. A man-made bliss would still be enjoyable afterall.

No matter what, to marry or not, it's very important for woman to have independent financial backing. At least you left with options when your guy decide to left you for greener pasture. Get ready with your ˽·¿Ç®°É!

Right in the middle of Disney@Japan stands the majestic castle where the Sleeping Beauty once slept. There's supposed to be a horrifying adventure walkthrough but once we joined the long queue outside the castle, a cute japanese castle-guide came and talked to us in Japanese. Though we stared back blank blank at her, we secretly felt flattered. (Do we look like one?) She then showed us a board and we left the queue as soon as we knew the tour will be done in japanese.

Think Singapore's CBD is abit crowded? How about this: The city of Tokyo?



This was taken from 29th floor in the morning. No matter which angle you look from the window, it's the same congested scene. I should shoot myself for not turning to the left side and capture the mt fuji in the background! The one you're seeing right now is on the left facing outta window where the sun rise.

The street of Tokyo where rows of Ginza stands, on a typical working day. Note the traffic lights. Japanese don't really bother about it. As long as someone crosses/stops, they follow.

Isn't this lovely?

-French Lover-

It's been a pretty cool sunday here in Singapore. I miss the snow back then in Narita. The scenary of Mt Fuji is awesome. But honestly speaking, Tokyo don't really have so much tourist-attraction place (just like sg) and I wouldn't make another trip to the same place. Phew that the snowing compensates for that lackness.

More about my trip when i get done with my assignments where are due next week. And check this out. So what is your childhood beliefs? I can't remember mine for now.

just touched down from Tokyo... Now playing gb while waiting for my queue for bathing then it's off to the dreamland.

Do you know that MacDonald actually adds in some addictive drug into the burgers? (Don't hold me liable for this. This was told by my marketing tutor). No wonder I keep going back for more. Been eating Fish burgers for consecutive days
ever since the $1.80 offer. I am broke now! Imagine one time buy 6 burgers, that would be $10.80.

Would be flying off tonight. So this webby would be on mini-hiatus till next week when I will update here with photos of Jap Junkies. Meanwhile you have a Happy Chinese New Year here, okie?

Sayorana~

I detest jerks as much as I hate sucking mosquitoes!!! It might just be as well another idiotic trick again. They don't deserve my attention. Don't ask me why there is this sudden outburst. It's just too complicated to explain here and i don't wanna waste my time on writing those shit out here...

I am a lucky girl.

Shit! I has just realised my entries dated between 2002 nov and 2003 june went missing. Oh gosh. There's has been lotsa thing going on then. "My precious" (Say that in Golum's style)

I've been picking up simple japanese words all over the Internet, even seeking the help of my friend who's taking level 2000 Jap module. (I know, I know it's 5 days only but my enthusiam is flipping me over the hotpan i.e. jumping up and down.)

Anyway, got something to complain about that inefficient computing club in my faculty. On Tuesday evening, after that strenous jogging in school, I was quite surprised to see that there is a notice being pasted on my locker. Similar thing happens to other many locker owners. I was told to remove my belonging from the locker by this Sat. I and my friend of course weren't very pleased over it because we have not recieved any email to date, notifying us to renew the lease. So that night, I wrote a complain letter asking them why should I be ordered to remove my stuff whereby in the first place I wasn't informed about the locker renewal.

And up till today, I have NOT recieved any reply from the fcuking club. If they deem my complaint email as something that not justifiable, they SHOULD have some decent courtesy to get back to me with whatever lame reasons they can come up to get me off their back.

Nevertheless, I'm still going to clear my stuff there but not before throwing some rubbish inside and replace my expensive lock to somewhat cheaper. Happy cleaning and sawing the lock. They DESERVE it.

They have replied me though they're late in doing that. I have cleared up my stuff.

I'm finally going to Japan!!!

Wow, can't believe that me and C actually jogged from SOC to UCC and back yesterday evening. That may seem a short distance to a seasoned runner but as far as i can remember, the last time I ran was last august, therefore it seems an unachievable task at first. But still, we managed to do so with some unforgiven walkings in between. At first I was quite reluctant to run along the road because I:

1. Don't wanna people, esp those I often see in school, to know how I suck at jogging.
2. Don't wanna hunkies on the internal buses to see the pathetic state I'm in while panting for life. (Imagine a red-face gal with her tongue almost touching the pavement and her flabbys meats dancing rythmically with every step. Pretty unsightful scene!!!)

Still, I gave in when I saw too many people running around the stadium track. Don't wanna obstruct the traffic there. But never did we expect that were so many mini-hills along the route. We were half-dead by the time we reach UCC. At the end, I felt shiok! I asked C "wanna run again on Friday?" and she shot me a "You're mad" look. BTW, C was quite shocked to see that I was still able to talk on my handphone (although a bit breathless that time) while jogging back to the starting point. I guess my routine back in July 2003 had helped me to build up my stamina.

Anyway when I reached home that night, I was totally exhausted. I went straight to bed at twelve after losing two battles in gunbound. Now you know why I wrote this entry only today.

My body aches today.

Damn. I almost can make it to 6 Days Tokyo next wednesday. Why does my mum like to procastinate? Right after exam last November, I have accompanied my mum to almost ALL the travel agencies in Singapore to look for a Japan tour package for Chinese New Year. In the end, we left with none. She either finds the package too expensive or the itinerary not good enough.

Today I called one of the agencies and it was considered fortunate enough at this last minute that the agent's willing to go through the trouble of squeezing out 5 more seats to already packed group. I almost gave all our names for booking and was supposed to go down to the agency to pay the deposit later. Guess what? My mum was sleeping after I left home for some resume talk in school. She said she changes her mind cos she doesn't want my bro and sis to miss the school on Monday. Down right disappointment!!! I was so fed up that I told her not to bother me with any tour callup again.

MY and I were looking over the photos of chiobus (Pretty strange that we only care to look and judge the pretty gals instead of guys) at friendster.com in one my faculty school computer lab. So MY ask me for comments on one of her particular gal frens. Well, taking a quick glance at the first two shots, I blurped (spelling mistake) out "She look like China gal" forgetting that my faculty is full of chinamen. Just right beside us was a familiar same-cohort China guy(obviously is one becuase he has been entertaining himself with some chinese cartoon flash and websites for like the whole time there. Oop, I wasn't supposed to notice that.) I don't dare to turn to see his reaction but quickly added "She's quite pretty lah" Phew...

I couldn't resist my descrimating remake cos the photos were studio shots taken in bad taste. The clothes aren't nice and the girl positioning like someone from the remote village. Don't ask me how I got that kind of impression.

Admit it, if you're a singaporean and if you see a "tu bao zi", you half likely to do the same thing. I got that kind of remarks from many of my friends. (Almost all. No money to doll myself up). To be fair to people from china, I must say (unpatronisingly) that yah, some are getting on the right fashion track.

My mum asked me last sunday that if i take one more semester to graduate, would that help in pulling up my pathetic cap. I said yes and my mum ask me to go ahead. DUH. Too late, I told her that I had filed for graduation on sat.

I just pray hard that there won't too many companies trying to pinch out the difference between the cert with merit and the another one with credit. Am looking for a job in Feb (and a rich boyfriend in May).

Getting abit sick of pink. Was very itchy to change the template. But not much time to do so. For the moment, I am yearning for something colorful, maybe using range of pastel colors. Hm...Maybe that has to wait cos I still have not put my dad's co website. He gonna nags at me again.

I guess most of you would have read her blog. I think I will be "smarter" after reading her blogs archived. If you have not, better have a look at it. Highly addictive. Extremely witty (and bitchy) and opinionated. Some qualities which I alway look up to but lack the abilities.

Ops, I realise I just did a free publicity for somebody's blog I never know though I may have met her before, working at Ritz carlton several times. But who care when the hit rate here is damn low?

Today, we have our second lecture of Cosmetic and Perfume course though it look so like an official welcome session. Last tuesday was the perfume session so today is on cosmetic, the Art of Illusion (I agree cos I'm quite anti-makeup. Attribute that to lazy factor). Pretty interesting to know that Eygptians were able to come up with sophiscated cosmetic that are used even today and Virgin Queen actually applied daily, heavy dose of powder that contain lead to make her puff-up-with-cotton face whiter.

I wonder why lecturers like to show their ability to regconise our faces by revealing their access to students' photo with names. Everyone either groans or glances through to find their own or friends' teeny-weeny photo on the ivle's class list on the white screen. I think the lecturer got a bit mischievious and deliberately click on a guy's photo. A window popped up and the guy's poked face was magnified ten times. Immediately, there were gigglings around but that was only after the "yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" resonated around the lecture hall. Guess what. I never know whether that wicked reaction came from my or MY's mouth or others. Haha. Only then I realise that that was pretty rude and bound to make that guy depressed for the whole year. I can't imagine if my photo was shown instead, with the same reaction gathered from the audience. I will totally go berserk. Gone would be the little confidence that I have tried to cultivate all these years.

After that lecture, me and MY really regret taking the course which we initially choose. We should have taken pharmacy and get to work in make-up brand companies in future. (BIG MONEY Business esp now guys start to make up too) But all that was too late.

This song really get me depressed but it sortof got me hooked because of the pain it induced in my heart. I love listening to piano-accompanied and sad song. I often daydream that I'm the one who is playing the piano and singing at the same time.

-
I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears,
and if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave,
your presence still lingers here,
and it won't leave me alone,

These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase,

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still… have… all of me,

You used to captivate me,
by your resonating light,
now I’m bound by the life you left behind,
Your face it haunts,
my once pleasant dreams,
your voice it chased away,
all the sanity in me,

These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase,

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
but though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along,

When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears,
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears,
and I held your hand through all of these years,
but you still… have… all of me oh..., me oh..., me oh... (end)
-

I think I'm gonna be a big fan of Evanescence.

The GB tournament started yesterday. My team played twice and lost twice. I have no courage nor confidence to play with other teams today and be the cause of team failure yet once more. I realise I'm someone who doesn't like competition. A little defeat, I give up easily. Damn I just wished i could tell my leader to replace me but that is cowardice.

Try this. It's tasty.
You just need huge tomatoes (you decide how many you want) and fine sugar.

1. Slice the tomatoes into several thin pieces.
2. Sprinkle the sugar (not too much or too little )over them.
3. Eat and say "yummy"!

This is what people in China eat.

Holy cow. I went for eyebrow trimming, FIRST TIME OF MY LIFE. You must be wondering why I waited so long for it. It's a long story but i will summarise:
-
My mum went for makeover for certain function few years ago. (She don't usually put makeup except for big big ocassion) Eyebrow trimming is inevitable. The next day, she went to market and got a little bloody cut by a dead fish's tail at her eyebrow. Few days later, my grandma passed away. Ever since, anything got to do with eyebrow would be considered a bad omen.
-
Whenever I told my mum i wanna trim my eyebrow, she would either say it brings back luck or my eyebrows already got the shape. Until recently, I keep pestering my mum about it and she say go ahead. That's why i wait for 5 years before plucking up my courage to go for my first session.

The job was done at inuovi@far east. I told that SA that I want a thick and natural-looking pairs in arch. Actually beforehand I was nervous about the pain. But the SA went into plucking immediately after taking a brief look at my brows. Too fast for me to anticipate. Phew! Tiny ant bites. No pain. (Should i go for waxing then?) When it's done, I looked into the mirror and woah, it look the same as the pairs on Sammi. Agree that eyebrow trimming does make one look different. I really think i look 10 years older. It just remind me that I look like my aunt who in 50s. Maybe it will take a while to adjust. Anyway the results isn't as thick as I want. I think i will go for May at Fancl@Ngee Ann next time.

After that, me and MY went to shop for CNY clothes. At heeren, I bought a mini fanned skirt which me and MY think it sorta act cute style. Haha no matter what, i set my eyes on it, i definitely must have it. Saw Ms Singapore, Unice (is that how it spell?) walking with an ang mo at tang. She's gorgeous (with heavy makeup). So tall and elegant. Better looking than that Jamie teo and osman gal.

Around 5pm, my bro called and asked where our sis was? She promised to be back home at 2 but she still not reached home yet. Mum was dread worried and keep calling her but there's no ringing. I wondered why she shut off her handphone. At this point, i was very very worried...I start having thought that eyebrow trimming really brings back luck. I was very worried that my sis might meet a car accident or what...I start calling my sis back. Managed to get her on second dial. Phew. It's a great relief. She's safe and sound!!!

Now I'm at home while typing this, i'm also hiding from my mum. She just manage to have a peek at my brows when i came out of the bathroom, making a furtile attempt to cover them up. Then she starting nagging me that trimming it doesn't make me look better why waste money on it blah blah...My sis giggled after taking a look. She said I LOOK 7 YEARS OLDER. I 'm fuming now.

I still face a pressure now. I do hope nothing bad happen within this few weeks.

Finally gotton my comment system up. After fixing it for a long time, i realise the problem lies in comment server problem not my coding. Yike.

Haha I have remove my bio link. MY said it links to her bio instead when she clicks on it. Goodness. I don't know why it like that. On my laptop it shows my bio! Thank MY for pointing it out...

I finally pluck up my "courage" and bought Sony headphones. Whenever "expensive" (anything more than 20$ in my case. I'm a pauper anyway.) IT stuffs are concerned, i took a long time deciding to buy or not to buy. These headphones had kept me waiting for more than one year. Whereas on the other hands, i waste no time buying those little "ding ding dang dang" (meaning: silveries) once i set my eyes on it. This habit started way back during my secondary school days. I haven't changed one bit. There are alot of rings which i bought but wore for a few days, it either MIA or become rusty. My mum alway nags about it.

Take this holiday of 4 weeks for example. I have bought a pair of dangling earrings, a heavy looking bracelet, a lovely flower necklace and today from heeren, i bought a cool square ring. And guess what, I haven't even wear these except once for the necklace. I doubt I will wear it to school next week. Not that I spend alot like those rich or act-rich brats who wouldn't care abit about spending hundreds or thoudsands on one item but sometime I think i have to remind myself that my dad isn't a banker and whether do i really need those thing? I tend to buy thing on impulse (except for real expensive stuff) and often regret after doing so. I don't even dare to wear it infront of my mum for fear of her nagging. After spending on those silveries, treats, movies and others (which I'm too guilty to write out), my reserve for this month has gone down to zero and that reminds me that I have to clear my long outstanding loan for my laptop by this May.

Sigh. I still wish I could be a rich brat.