Few min ago, i just heard some loud voice belonging to a lady and the footsteps. I ran to the window and saw 2 people downstair. It broiught back the memory of the nightmare. The lady was on the ground. Crying. The guy was standing in some threatening way. Both are indians. As much as i was disturbed by what i saw, how much i wish i can shouted the girl to run and stay away from him.

Heng the guy din do anything but he walked off and from a distance, he pick up his bag and left after lady pick herself up and seem to scare that guy away. I do not know whether did the guy push the girl down or what. But all in all, i was in the worse situation. And i recalled the images, the fear, the helplessness.

He is so bad. My mum keep me too enclosed in my protective coccoon that i can only tell if this person is good when other person say he's good. I.E. no mind of my own. I tend to go with what person say. That why i end up in such a devestating state. It hard to recover. but telling myself life has to move on, so i just continue to live with all these shit outcomes. However in the process, i do hope my mind become active and opinionated

I feel so yuck with myself that there is a strong urge to close myself up cos i can't deal with the shame and self worthless..

I just hate living..

Luckily, instead of indulging in alcholic to numb myself or slashing my wrist, i am very much engrossed with my lifestyle programme. I can't standing staying at home lazing around

Sigh..finding myself single again is as hard as finding kakis for movies. I guess movies are only best for couples.