I dunno what the hell is he dragging on for so long. Sometime I feel like giving him back the 2 slaps for toying my feeling. But sometime i help him to reason that maybe he haven't heal from the hurts, or best, maybe he's planning some sweet surprise for me by saving money to buy a bonquet of tulips this sunday that why he ask me not to see him till then. But still there are many reasons to discredit such nice thoughts:-
1)Judging from the last time i saw him, it doesn't seem so. He waste money on cigarettes, going out every evening to meet dunno-who-the-big-fart, only come back home late midnight and refuse to hear my phone during this period. Worst still, he refuses to tell me whom he's meeting and scold me irritating and threaten to really dump me. Don't you think that such behaviour belong to the worst kind of man on earth? That time i went all the way from my workplace to his house(nearly fainted on the way) to give him one fluffly pen to remind him of the good times as well as the curry puff that he like, he called, not to say anything good, but threaten me harshly that if i did that again, he gonna sever our relationship. If he could say i use mood to treat him accordingly, i could say he wholly use his temper to treat me.
2)He's never a boyfriend that would throw much surprises. On the other hand, it's usually me who did that. Maybe my mum is right. I should have borned a boy instead.
Somemore on this matter, he might think it all my fault and most probably thought i should deserve such treatment.
But all in all, i still reason with myself that maybe he just needs time to cool down, forgive and sort thing out. I'm pinning on hope that he will be sensible and not harming me in order to retaliate. And meanwhile, i trying to be sensible and not let my wild thoughts influence my actions.
Hm...i do keep another secret blog too and here it contain really private thoughts. here an interesting excerpt from our first quarrel which i decide to let it be public:
-First Qaurrel-
me and him has a big fight yesterday over msn. I initiatied break up after crying on the cab while on the way home from tampinese. He met his ex-girlfriend the day before from midnight till morning and din give me much detail until i prompt. He just told me he meeting friend from china and i jokingly say china girl? He then say 'haha'. Only until later in the midnight then i know. I wasn't too glad but i keep to myself though i appear quite cold in the msg. He say one of his guy friend going also. Then later in the morning 5am, he then told me that guy went off early and he and she went to play pool with uncles. And he can tell me just now that he wasn't playing but watching them play. So that girl seem so important to him. Where do i stand?
I said he show no respect for me. Why would an attached guy went to meet a girl in a park (pasir ris) alone and chat for so long especially with an oil lamp. Romantic it sound. He willing to sacrifice his sleep just to talk with that girl and forgo his sat lesson? Would he still have some feeling for her. He say it was 1999 matter. And they have alot to talk about. Something like comparison between the past and present. He told me after me asking, that she was ktv hostess earning alot last time and now jobless. One thing, she lived in the same area as me and she can go to pasir ris to meet him. He told me she fun to play and he say he keeping pushing her head. That intimate isn't it. After all that quarrel, he still don't tell me much about her. And he only tell me she his ex on the bus from changi to tampinese. I start getting bu shuang on the bus. He ask me to see him on sunday. i told him to ask that girl to accompany him. And he say "say until like that'. Later on, we din touch on that topic again. I start getting angier in the cab. The more i think, the sadder i get. The thought of him getting so close to that girl make me fume. Hell know whether he still got feeling for her. Maybe they kiss for one last time?
I told him we two from different world. that kind of behavious is acceptable to his world of people but not to mine. And we have nothing much to talk. Plus i told him my mmum gonna kick me outta house if she knows. That why to break up as i don't see the future.
He seek my forgiveness. All the while we talking in the msn and mu. i don't wish to speak to him on the phone and pretend to say my mum is around. I ask him to do 4 things if he wan me back
1. no vulgarities
2. studying hard and don't be diao er lang dang.
3. No meeting of gals alone and waiting for me to prompt to know
4. No petting
He say he willing to do these if it can salvage our r/s. He say he serious in me and ask me not to leave him. he told me he stop playing mu until o'level is over. and wan to delete his char cos i left the guild. Later we talk on phone. And i forgive him thereafter when he say sorry and explained. but he keep saying that he got tell me b4 hand about the friday incident and seeing that i no objection that why he gone ahead. He say if i sound out early, he say he would not meet that girl. I told him to think in my shoes, what if i go meet a guy and don't tell him much about him. How would he feel? He say he know le and understand.
I wonder did he told her about me. Nothing did he say about that.
When everything back to normal, i ask him if he waiting for me to sleep then he sleep. he say no. He doing nothing. He say he going to lie down and clear his thought. and just a word of goodnight. later i sms him good nite and no reply. So now he act cold to me. Maybe he did do something unfaithful behind my back. I dunno ..
Don't feel like bringing up this subject. He the first one among my friends to see me angry. I realise how much i like him despite the inital beginning that i thought i don't like him. Jealousy. Hope he sense that and know that. i love him more now, that he willing to do those thing to bring me back to him. He clean my bag after getting splashed by that jelly syrup while at popeyes. He help me to buy hp cover and advise me on hp. He don't mind my stupid curfew. He come fetch me home almost everyday from tampines to tiong bahru then to toa payoh. He gave up smoking. And he was going to give me surprise by telling me he not studying at all. he collect all the movies ticket. One thing is he din give me any one month anniversay present. I give him an angel and that's me.
Off to gym.
------
So much difference between now and then. The tone of our previous quarrel is much much gentler and solvable. At that time, it's really evident that he like me alot. But now...what happen to the promises he make....
1)Judging from the last time i saw him, it doesn't seem so. He waste money on cigarettes, going out every evening to meet dunno-who-the-big-fart, only come back home late midnight and refuse to hear my phone during this period. Worst still, he refuses to tell me whom he's meeting and scold me irritating and threaten to really dump me. Don't you think that such behaviour belong to the worst kind of man on earth? That time i went all the way from my workplace to his house(nearly fainted on the way) to give him one fluffly pen to remind him of the good times as well as the curry puff that he like, he called, not to say anything good, but threaten me harshly that if i did that again, he gonna sever our relationship. If he could say i use mood to treat him accordingly, i could say he wholly use his temper to treat me.
2)He's never a boyfriend that would throw much surprises. On the other hand, it's usually me who did that. Maybe my mum is right. I should have borned a boy instead.
Somemore on this matter, he might think it all my fault and most probably thought i should deserve such treatment.
But all in all, i still reason with myself that maybe he just needs time to cool down, forgive and sort thing out. I'm pinning on hope that he will be sensible and not harming me in order to retaliate. And meanwhile, i trying to be sensible and not let my wild thoughts influence my actions.
Hm...i do keep another secret blog too and here it contain really private thoughts. here an interesting excerpt from our first quarrel which i decide to let it be public:
-First Qaurrel-
me and him has a big fight yesterday over msn. I initiatied break up after crying on the cab while on the way home from tampinese. He met his ex-girlfriend the day before from midnight till morning and din give me much detail until i prompt. He just told me he meeting friend from china and i jokingly say china girl? He then say 'haha'. Only until later in the midnight then i know. I wasn't too glad but i keep to myself though i appear quite cold in the msg. He say one of his guy friend going also. Then later in the morning 5am, he then told me that guy went off early and he and she went to play pool with uncles. And he can tell me just now that he wasn't playing but watching them play. So that girl seem so important to him. Where do i stand?
I said he show no respect for me. Why would an attached guy went to meet a girl in a park (pasir ris) alone and chat for so long especially with an oil lamp. Romantic it sound. He willing to sacrifice his sleep just to talk with that girl and forgo his sat lesson? Would he still have some feeling for her. He say it was 1999 matter. And they have alot to talk about. Something like comparison between the past and present. He told me after me asking, that she was ktv hostess earning alot last time and now jobless. One thing, she lived in the same area as me and she can go to pasir ris to meet him. He told me she fun to play and he say he keeping pushing her head. That intimate isn't it. After all that quarrel, he still don't tell me much about her. And he only tell me she his ex on the bus from changi to tampinese. I start getting bu shuang on the bus. He ask me to see him on sunday. i told him to ask that girl to accompany him. And he say "say until like that'. Later on, we din touch on that topic again. I start getting angier in the cab. The more i think, the sadder i get. The thought of him getting so close to that girl make me fume. Hell know whether he still got feeling for her. Maybe they kiss for one last time?
I told him we two from different world. that kind of behavious is acceptable to his world of people but not to mine. And we have nothing much to talk. Plus i told him my mmum gonna kick me outta house if she knows. That why to break up as i don't see the future.
He seek my forgiveness. All the while we talking in the msn and mu. i don't wish to speak to him on the phone and pretend to say my mum is around. I ask him to do 4 things if he wan me back
1. no vulgarities
2. studying hard and don't be diao er lang dang.
3. No meeting of gals alone and waiting for me to prompt to know
4. No petting
He say he willing to do these if it can salvage our r/s. He say he serious in me and ask me not to leave him. he told me he stop playing mu until o'level is over. and wan to delete his char cos i left the guild. Later we talk on phone. And i forgive him thereafter when he say sorry and explained. but he keep saying that he got tell me b4 hand about the friday incident and seeing that i no objection that why he gone ahead. He say if i sound out early, he say he would not meet that girl. I told him to think in my shoes, what if i go meet a guy and don't tell him much about him. How would he feel? He say he know le and understand.
I wonder did he told her about me. Nothing did he say about that.
When everything back to normal, i ask him if he waiting for me to sleep then he sleep. he say no. He doing nothing. He say he going to lie down and clear his thought. and just a word of goodnight. later i sms him good nite and no reply. So now he act cold to me. Maybe he did do something unfaithful behind my back. I dunno ..
Don't feel like bringing up this subject. He the first one among my friends to see me angry. I realise how much i like him despite the inital beginning that i thought i don't like him. Jealousy. Hope he sense that and know that. i love him more now, that he willing to do those thing to bring me back to him. He clean my bag after getting splashed by that jelly syrup while at popeyes. He help me to buy hp cover and advise me on hp. He don't mind my stupid curfew. He come fetch me home almost everyday from tampines to tiong bahru then to toa payoh. He gave up smoking. And he was going to give me surprise by telling me he not studying at all. he collect all the movies ticket. One thing is he din give me any one month anniversay present. I give him an angel and that's me.
Off to gym.
------
So much difference between now and then. The tone of our previous quarrel is much much gentler and solvable. At that time, it's really evident that he like me alot. But now...what happen to the promises he make....
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home